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  • Writer's pictureRachel Menzoian, LPC

How Do We Tell Our Kids We Are Getting A Divorce?

Updated: Jul 27, 2021

No one ever wants to tell their kids they are getting a divorce. It was a hard day when my former spouse and I told our kids. We all cried but there were a few things that I think helped make this time a little less painful. Below are a few tips that I hope will help you.

Communicate together- You may be divorcing on good terms or you may hate your soon to be former spouse. However, this is the time to put aside your own feelings and focus on your kids. If at all possible, communicate this news to your kids TOGETHER. They need to see that you both agree t

Listen- Give your children space to talk and to feel. Allow silence, tears and anger. Don’t try and “fix”.

Validate feelings- However, you should affirm how they are feeling. Your children might respond differently. One might be angry, another might cry and another might dismiss the situation. Acknowledge and communicate that you understand their feelings. Your kids need to know how they feel is ok and you heard them.

It’s ok to show your emotions too- You might think you need to keep it all together to be strong for your kids as you communicate this news however, that is not true. Your kids need to see your emotions as well. If you want to cry then cry. Because this is very sad news, do not try to pretend it isn’t sad by trying to cheer them up. Be in the moment with your kids.

It’s ok not to have all the answers- Your kids may ask a lot of questions or none at all. They might want to know where they will be living and birthdays and holidays. Give the solid

details you know. It’s ok to say “I’m not sure yet, but as soon as I know we will let you know.”

Give age appropriate information- Keep in mind the age of your children when discussing details around the divorce. Most children, regardless of their age don’t really want to know all the details. They do, however, need to know you both love them, and you will always be their mom and dad, and this is not their fault.

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