When the kids are gone it is really quiet. Weird quiet. It’s uncomfortable. When I am uncomfortable I make plans. Plans to organize a closet, spring clean, work on a project, hang with friends, catch up at work etc. Being busy helps me escape the pain. It’s painful when the kids are gone. The quiet reminds me that I’m alone and we are a broken family.
When I stop moving I sit in the pain, self-doubt and lies. When the kids are gone it is like the word FAILURE stares into your soul. I don’t miss my ex and I don’t wish we were still together (actually quite the opposite) but when the kids are gone it’s a reminder that I failed. I failed in my marriage and I have failed my kids.
Lysa Terkerst is one of my favorite authors. She reminds us that in order to get to the other side of pain you have to go through it. When I sit in the pain I choose to believe that this will help me to get to the other side of it. Will it always be this painful when my kids are gone? Will I eventually get used to this? I don’t know the answers to these questions but I do know that God has carried me every second and every minute in the past and I can trust him with this minute even when the doubts and lies are consuming.
So today I am choosing to sit in my pain. I am embracing the quiet. For me that means I rest without guilt, journal, take a walk or just cry because I know that in order to be the best version of me I have to go through this pain. When it hurts I remind myself that I am just one step closer to be who God created me to be. Are you taking steps today to be the best version of you? What does it look like for you to sit in the quiet?
