Navigating Valentine’s Day: Overcoming Comparison and Protecting Your Heart

February comes with a lot of emotion for so many of us. It’s the month of “love”, but let’s be honest, it stirs up more than just love. You see couples posting each other and friends having ‘galentines’ events, which are so great for them! But this brings up comparison, insecurity, and feeling left out when you don’t have something to post. Comparison is common, but it doesn’t have to control us. And even more so, God sees us fully, even when we feel overlooked. 

Comparison LOVES social media. Instagram pushes Valentine’s Day posts in our face, Snapchat shows our friends all being together, and TikTok has couples making videos together. We see these posts and believe that they truly encapsulate someone’s whole life. But in reality, we are comparing someone’s highlight reel to our behind-the-scenes. God isn’t impressed by the posts that take hours to put together;

He truly cares about our hearts. If He cares for our hearts, then we should care for our hearts! What are some practical ways that we can protect our hearts this season? 

1. Take a break from social media or just log off for Valentine’s Day. 

2. Mute the accounts that you tend to idolize and spiral into comparison while looking at.

3. When you feel comparison creeping in: pause, take a deep breath and pray “God, help me see myself the way You see me.”

Comparison brings about a feeling of pressure to be in the perfect relationship or have the best of friends. This is worse during Valentine’s Day. But relationships do not equal worth, maturity, favor with God. Relationships are beautiful, are ok to want and even better to pray for, but God’s timing looks different for everyone and that is ok! So when the pressure to be in a relationship becomes unbearable or makes you feel like a failure, what can you do?

1. Replace the negative self-talk with truth. Read your Bible and find what God says about you. 

2. Stop using someone else’s life as the measuring stick for your own. 

3. Use this time to grow yourself. 

If you are in a relationship, comparison can still creep in. You can find yourself comparing gifts, planned dates, and what you believe is “relationship goals”. Comparing your relationship to others can steal the joy from your relationship and create pressure in your relationship. What should be valued is authenticity, not performance or perfection. How can you value authenticity in your relationship? 

1. Communicate openly with your partner about expectations

2. Focus on your connection over comparison to others

3. Ask yourself: “Does this relationship help me love God and others better?”

Another way that you can add value to your life and relationships, rather than going down the comparison spiral, is through intentional reflection. Reframe Valentine’s Day into a day to practice self-love, friendships, and service towards others. This can include journaling, listening to uplifting music, working out, going on a walk outside, resting at home, or reaching out to a friend who is struggling. The goal is to redirect your heart to what really matters in your life. 

February is HARD, but one of my favorite sayings is “hard is hard, but hard doesn’t have to be bad”. Give yourself grace this month and fill this season with encouragement for you and for others. Your story is still unfolding, we have no idea what tomorrow brings, and God is faithful through it all! You are deeply known, deeply loved, and deeply valued more than you can ever believe.